Then and Now

2015 is here…where did all the time go? I swear this year has honestly just flown by, I think most of the months escaped me. Everyone says that but it’s the complete truth when you dwell on it...am I right?

So it’s January now, crazy to think about all of the passionate memories and ridiculous encounters that have passed by this last 12 months. New Year, new me right? That’s what they say anyways.

Well just a recap-last year I made the New Year’s resolution to lose weight, 30 pounds to be exact. So cliché I know, but on a bright note I accomplished my goal, in fact I exceeded it and lost 35! So snaps for me I guess, goals are obtainable if you just do what you say and go about accomplishing what you set out to do. I also made another resolution; I mean come on you can’t have just one!

 I made the goal to stop letting others use me as a door matt/weed out all of the rotten people in my life. This one…hmm…well I did pretty dang decent for the most part. I struggle with this fact because I am such a deep feeling person; I have this complex where I need to save everyone else. I recently wrote a blog about my compassion for others, why I have such an endless rope for others to hold onto. Mostly I spoke on how I never had anyone there for me, nobody was able to help me through my rough situation and I wanted to make better on that and be there for everyone else. This is definitely my biggest downfall just as much as it is one of my best qualities. I am constantly doing things for others, letting them use and abuse me in various ways. It could be small things, such as always helping them with a project, buying them certain items when they cannot afford, etc.

 I don’t mean to sound arrogant or self-righteous when I tell you, I am a fantastic friend. I will be the best friend you ever have if you will let me. I will sit with you and gossip, listen when you’re having a terrible day, financially, mentally, emotionally, physically you got it. I am there! I have had people call me up in the middle of the night for different things, don’t fret I don’t sleep anyways so I will be there for you dear friend. One particular instance, I was able to benefit someone else’s life this past year by dedicating my time to their every need for weeks on end. They had a bad situation within their realm taking over and I was able to help defuse the situation. It was actually kind of rewarding for me because I realized how blessed I was not having to take on that problem alone.

Now, what goes around comes around right? So if I could just get that come back around, that’d be fucking nice. I don’t ask for much, I really don’t. I am a simple person, I honestly just enjoy helping others and bettering myself through service. However after a while, I believe it comes to just be a one sided relationship that takes a toll on you a bit. It becomes someone else using you, you’re their door matt so to speak. I am known to be a door matt, I am not sure if ya’ll just have group meetings or what but everyone seems to recognize this and use it to their advantage. 

I was sick and tired of having ‘friends’ who weren't really my friends, I was just being THEIR friend. So yeah, my new year’s resolution was to get rid of that and start surrounding myself with decent, whole hearted, honest, and LOYAL people. Do those even exist? Am I insane?

Actually, they do. I have a select few friendships that I treasure above all else and I know that should I need anything I can be the one to call at three AM in tears asking to have them come to me, I can be the one who seeks their attention whenever I need it, I can borrow money without questions asked, and if I have a daunting project/task they will be there to offer their hand in helping me. That is super wonderful, let me tell ya! However this last year I definitely had some ass holes in my presence. Can we just take a moment to recognize the sings of these particular ass holes?

My top five are.....

Number one: They always seem to have a fucking problem. Woe is me, your life is so god awful you can’t find one thing not to bitch and complain about? Seriously, you need to see a shrink because if you have that many issues, something is not right. There is plenty you can be grateful for, because I promise your life is not that hard. I don’t consider myself a saint, but damn I have conquered so much more than that alone. Wipe your tears and wipe your ass, get off the pot of depressing bull shit.

Number two:  They are always busy whenever you have something you either A) need from them B) would like to purpose to do as a hang out. WEEEIIIRRRDDD, I didn't know your life was so hectic and busy at all these perfect opportune moments. Oh wait, I help you in every aspect of life so I know you’re lying and you’re full of complete BS. Thanks for being a dishonest dick!

Number three: They always N E E D something from you. “Hey girl, I have a favor” or “Hey can you come help me out again” you should look in my text inbox, I think I have a million of these messages a week. I always oblige without hesitation and without complaint. Well, except in my mind I am going “Hmm, maybe I should ask them for help? What would they say? Would they do this for me?” Don’t worry, I know the answer. They wouldn't; none the less I am in my car driving to them to be at their every beckon. I sound like a slave, good god.

Number four: These people are jealous of your happiness, it’s like they don’t want to see you enjoying your own life. They are all about telling you this great news that happened to them and how their life is going so fucking perfect, but come time for you to share some neat news they couldn't care less. ORRRR better yet, they will get MAD. Seriously, this for real happens. You might not realize it, but it does. I personally do not have a jealous bone in my body-ask my significant other. He could be out dancing with naked girls that I am not a fan of and I would probably respond with “Don’t get aides, see ya when you get home” ….I think jealousy is a retarded emotion and also a crutch to help aid your insecurities. Get over it. Anyways, be happy for me when good things go my way in life. If you don’t, you’re an ass hole and not a real friend.

Number five: They will get mad at you for things you don’t do or have no control over. They will get mad at everything, they will just be generally angry. It is always your fault. Everything you do is your fault; they can’t seem to take responsibility for their own actions. Oh you’re girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other is mad at you? Hmm, must be something that Leah did. Fuck off, your relationship has nothing to do with me and it’s probably you, because as all of these statements are made…YOU’RE the ass hole.

There ya go, five ways to tell if you have an ass hole on your hands or a true friend. Recognize the signs, tell them to fuck off either verbally or silently by pushing away.  You don’t need that negativity in your life. That is why it was my new year’s resolution! I am happy to say though I totally struggled with that all year long, I was able to make it a reality. I don’t have dousche bags running my life anymore. I am still a great friend (seriously, I am not that cocky) and I am still happy to help in any way that I can. Like I said, I love serving those around me. I just am able to identify when service comes into servant/slave calls. This isn't the 1700’s you can’t use people as your personal slave. Grow the hell up, get over yourself, and stop being an ass hole friend.

Those were my personal goals, I was able to achieve them by pushing myself and putting my needs first. That is something that took me a long time to learn. Some of my other accomplishments were the following:

*EAS’d from the Marine Corps! Civilian life..whoop whoop.

*Moved to a State I had never been to and didn't know a soul.

*Picked up my life and changed every little aspect about it

*Hit my two year mark with my love; this is a big deal because this is the first real relationship where I am in that I am actually totally one hundred percent happy and being treated properly.

*Began my healthy lifestyle journey (9 % body fat, wassssssuppp)

*Obtained a Job in an industry where I am treated well and have been thriving in. I am a Veteran Recruiter; I help Military members getting out get jobs in the civilian world. How cool is that? I am able to help benefit those who deserve it most!

As for 2015…It’s going to be awesome. I am going to do my best to be the best I can in every aspect that I have already made a foundation for in 2014. I have been ripped from my comfort zone and I am starting fresh, literally in a place that I just moved to with no one to help me. I will be making a name for myself and building my life from basically the bottom up. I believe you have to move out of your comfort zone in order to grow, you have to be willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new. I mean, yes it’s going to be hard but you can’t make change complicated….you just have to begin. Though last year had some bumps and a lot of ass holes as I told you about, I am blessed to be here and be able to make it to 2015. I think that people get focused on what they were instead of what they could be. So when you see all these posts about what took place in 2014, remind yourself of what you are capable of and what COULD take place in 2015. Plan, prioritize, and set out to achieve your goals! That’s what I did, and here I am making new ones. I am going to be fucking fabulous.

My goals for this next year (or resolutions, whatever you wanna call em)

-Make a foundation for my career

-Finish school-at least the first half-I started back in 2012

-Get married to the kick ass dude sleeping next to me at night.

-Buy a house

-BE AWESOME and don’t let ass holes into my AWESOME bubble

That’s about it. I noticed this entry was full of lists and rants, but hey you read it. Be ready for greatness my friends, because I am making my come back this year. I spent so long being down in the dumps and letting others reap the benefits, it’s my turn! If you aren't happy for me and you don’t want apart in this delightful journey I am embarking on, please feel free to drown out with the others I tossed out to sea. This is something I need for myself and to be myself, you’re either with me or against me. You pick.

Don’t be an asshole. J